Friday, August 21, 2009

Unexpected day......

What plans did you have for today? Me? I was going to write about something completely different than what I am about to share.
When you were a child did you ever do anything you are ashamed of?(or an adult)
I did, and I have thought about it often.
When I was in Middle School there was a girl in my class I wasn't so nice to, sometimes. She was very nice and would go along with peoples teasing. I wasn't the only one to "pick" on her. She seemed really smart, something I never felt I was or ever could be.
I remember a few times feeling bad about it in school, but it didn't make me stop.
I don't remember seeing her too much in High School, and I never thought about her much the rest of school.
Something happened after I got out of school. I remember seeing movie and I don't remember the name of the movie or even what it was about, but it made me think of her. That was around 1990, I got out of school in 1987.
I remember wishing, after the movie, that I could tell her I was sorry.
Well, in 1992 I saw her on a bus in Cincinnati, I was going to work.
I wanted SO badly to tell her I was sorry for how I had treated her. But all I could do was hid behind the bus seats hoping she didn't realize who I was, I was ashamed.
I was sure she hated me. I wasn't someone who just picked on a lot of kids, she was the only one and I hated that I had done it.
Two years after that, in 1994, I gave my Heart to the Lord. I remember one time praying that the Lord let me "run into" her again and give me a second chance to tell her I was sorry.
Sometimes on the bus ride to work, I would find myself looking into peoples faces hoping it would be her, then glad it wasn't.
Year after year at least once a year she would come to my mind and I would pray to be able to tell her, "Sorry".
Well today her name popped up on my facebook. I couldn't believe it!
I sent her a note, telling her that I remember being "not so nice" to her and told her I was sorry.
The main thing I wanted her to know is that kids can be bad to each other and it had nothing to do with her and she didn't deserve the treatment she got.
I think we have all at one time or another gotten treatment we didn't deserve.
I wasn't sure if or when she would ever respond. If she did that was fine and if she didn't that was fine, also.
Within a few hours of sending her my message, she had responded back to me.
I had given her treatment she didn't deserve, now she was giving me treatment I didn't deserve. She said she remembered me and forgave me and a few other things and ending her message with "hugs", all very undeserving. Then, as if that wasn't enough, she asked me to be her friend on Facebook.
I am so thankful to the Lord that He allowed me to tell her I was sorry. We go through life everyday and things happen we didn't expect. Sometimes, we don't get that chance to say, "I'm sorry" to someone we hurt.
How the Lord must cry when we hurt each other, all the while holding us in His arms.
Do we really know how badly we hurt each other?
A few years ago, because of how someone had treated me, I cried almost everyday for a year. Sometimes I would just cry for a very short time, sometimes, I would cry myself to sleep.
For some of us that phone call or message may never come,but maybe, just maybe someone is hoping their path crosses with yours one more time.
I think of Peter, how hurt Jesus was when he denied him,not once but three times.
And how Peter when he realized what he had done, and how he must have prayed that he could see the Lords face just once more.
How undeserving Peter must have felt when the message was given to him that the angel said, "Tell His disciples and Peter, He is going a head of you to Galilee; there you will see Him. just as He told you." Mark 16:7
The angel was saying, "Peter, God still loves you. You are still a disciple!"
How joyous and undeserving he must of felt.
I am sure his day didn't go as expected.
Has your day went as expected today?


Nicole Noelle said...

Carla, What you wrote is very touching and thought provoking.

Nicole Niehaus

carla j said...

Thank you so much, Nocole!